It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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