Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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