i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He passed out mid-signature
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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