I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
