Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize