so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.