and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.