My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
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I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.