Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
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Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck