They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
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She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.