yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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