The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Randomize
