you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize