she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
