So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
