When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
