Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
