Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
