Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
