porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
