They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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