The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
