Tell her she can't have a vagina
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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