Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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