Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
