so explain again why im purple
no
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
