How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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