hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
