can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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