Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
