were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
