the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
