My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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