I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
