I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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