oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
