If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
