U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
