I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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