I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
