either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
