I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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