Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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