they need to just BURY HIM!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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