I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
