did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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