I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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