I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Randomize
