This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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