Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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