Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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