i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
