now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize