i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize