my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
