My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
