when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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