She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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