Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize