I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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