I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
