im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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