I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just found puke in my bra..
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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