Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
