Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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