Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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