We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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