Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
